My nephew Rabbit is getting married in Carolina this weekend. Try as I might, I can't get out of Texas long enough to attend the nuptuals. Nobody knows how bad that hurts me.
Rabbit is four years six months younger than I am. I was living in Greenville, NC being kind of an asshole, when he came to East Carolina University. When he was a kid... Well, a little kid, we didn't really get along. We had some very different world views. We were different types of kid. When he came off to college, I spent some time with him and his roommate, Pierre (Really).
We learned to see the world from a little closer angle. A lot of the trouble Rabbit got into, and most of the bad choices he made were blamed on my bad influence. While that argument doesn't lack merit, Rabbit is a man of his own mind.
When I did some stupid things and lost my license, Rabbit was my chauffer. Sometimes willingly, sometimes not so much. I was Rabbit's guide into the darkness. I got him into bars he shouldn't have been in... Taught him tricks he shouldn't know... We got away with things we shouldn't have ever done.
I'm proud of the man he's become. He's more succesful than I am in a lot of ways. He has a nice home, nice vehicles, a big boat, good friends and a lovely soon to be bride. I don't know her as well as I'd wish, but if Rabbit likes her, and she can stand him, that's good enough for me.
I threatened Rabbit with a story about him over a year ago. Well... The time has come.
What to tell, what to tell... Going to the beach in February? Too tame... No girl stories, his wife may read this... Ah... I know... Wrong Way Corrigan's.
Game day! The Pirates were playing at home. Rabbit and I got a keg of beer for the tailgate party. Let's see... There was me... And Rabbit and... Yeah, thats it. Me and Rabbit, and a keg of Budweiser. Never made it to kickoff. After the game (After we slept through the game) we went back to my apartment to get our minds right.
Sober enough now to go out we headed for Greenville's famous Fifth Street. I knew the girl working the door at Wrong Way Corrigan's so she let him in. I was almost 23 so Rabbit had to be 18, the drinking age was 21.
I got a bourbon and coke. Rabbit wanted something sweet. I am evil. I ordered him a "suicide". Invented by myself and another bartender it contains: Wild Turkey 101, Seagrams VO, Southern Comfort, Triple Sec and a whole lot of sour mix. Tastes like lemonade made with swamp water.
Moments later Rabbit wanted another one. "Slow down kid, that's a knock-down drink" He shook his head... "I want a real knock-down drink" okey-dokey. The Specialty drink at Corrigan's was the "Crash and Burn". I don't to this day know what was in it, but it was red and came in a bahama mama glass and we got him one. All I know is that an undetermined time later I was shooting pinball for $5 a game when a bouncer showed up holding Rabbit by the collar. "This belong to you?" I accepted the package, but begged off leaving until the pinball game was over.
I'm shooting... And winning, might I add, while Rabbit stands in the corner and watches the ball go round... And round... And round... And proceedes to empty his stomach of all the recently bought drinks all over the pinball machine. I gave my opponent his money and dragged Rabbit out of the bar, where he then passed out.
His dorm is only a few blocks away, but the problem is that I'm 5'11", Rabbit is 6'5". I threw him over my shoulder, and walked away... His feet bumping in front of me, and his hands dragging the ground behind me. All in all a good day. And remember Rabbit, it could be worse...
...I still have this picture... And I'm still evil.
Labels: Tasteless Stories