Thursday, July 31, 2008

Draw, A 100 Word Story

The pistolero stood at the end of the main street. His hat sat low on his head shielding his eyes from the large orange sun. Behind him off in the distance were huge green three pronged cacti, and jagged grey mountains.
His horse was tethered in front of a tall narrow building that leaned oddly to the left. A crooked, poorly lettered sign over the batwing doors read simply “SALOON”.
At the other end of the street stood a giant green T-rex with a drop of saliva hanging from one triangle tooth.
Tommy dropped his crayon and ran downstairs.


No Reason

I just like this picture.


Till You Drop, A 100 Word Story

The tiny shop was almost empty, not just of customers, but also of merchandise. What little there was was strategically placed on shelves ten feet off the floor or in cages with complicated latches and locks.
There were unrecognizable items in garishly colored boxes with incomprehensible labels in foreign languages.
The hours of operation were eleven-twenty at night until five-ten in the morning.
The clerk was also the store owner. He was surly and spoke little English, not to mention his poor personal hygiene. He never made much money, but he was proud of the concept: the neighborhood inconvenience store.
I don't like the title for this one. Come up with a better title in comments, and I'll give you a writer's credit.


Still Life

I suppose sometimes it seems like all I do around here is bitch. Sometimes that is all I do around here.
Well, all things considered, yesterday wasn't a bad day. Work was fairly productive. I left for home an hour and a half early, which means I walked early, which means more time at the dog park.
I love watching happy dogs play. Jack got attacked by a big sheppard/yellow lab mix that had 30lbs on him, but I have to say he handled himself well, and he finished it with no human intervention.
I got home just as one of my neighbors did too. She rarely drives her car, so I let her park in my driveway rather than the street. I hadn't seen her in two months and she was very complimentary about my weight loss.
She had taken her roommate's dog to the river and so Jack got to meet Oscar and play some more before I went inside. She had also picked some wildflowers at the river and gave them to me to brighten up my house. Women are funny that way, aren't they? I thought the flowers along with the bowl of tomatos, peppers and squashes really did brighten up the kitchen. Don't you?


Everything Falls Apart

Don't look now,
things just got worse
I'm drunk again,
I swear this blessing--is just a curse

I got here
by killing off all my friends
I think I figured it out
my life begins when the fun ends

I've got my wings,
I'm free to go as I please
Yeah, I got my wings,
now nothing really pleases me 'til

Everything falls apart,
then I get to
try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart,
and you can count on that
you can count on bad, bad weather again

Was it good?
I don't remember much about it
When things start to feel right,
you can count on me to start to doubt it

The devil's not in the details,
No, the devil is in my pants and
It's shoot first, apologize later,
another quick end to a short shot romance

I got what I wanted,
now I don't want anything
I got what I wanted,
now my life is just boring 'til

Everything falls apart,
then I get to try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart
and you can count on that,
you can count on bad weather this year

I met God this afternoon
Riding on an uptown train
I said "Don't you have better things to do?"
He said, "If I do my job, what would you complain about?
So I let it go to Hell,
now I'll have something to do"
he said, "I let it go to Hell,
does that sound familiar to you?"

well Everything falls apart,
then I get to try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart
and you can count on that,
you can count on bad, bad weather

Everything that falls apart baby,
sooner or later gonna come back together
Well everything that comes together baby,
sooner or later gonna apart

You can call it anything you want
They're gonna take it all away from you

-Dog's Eye View


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Curses, Foiled Again

The birthday curse. I know most of you don't believe my supposed "Birthday Curse". Don't care. I believe.
This year, I figured I wouldn't have to worry about it. This year has sucked royally on its own, who needs a curse? Well, it seems I don't have to worry about it after all. It has already come true. Not going into details. Don't need to. Yesterday was three weeks till my birthday, and the one project that I was working on is slipping through my fingers.
It's nobody's fault really. Well, my fault, but it's due to wheels that were set in motion long before this particular project was even a glimmer of an idea, not something I just did.
I guess I'm just going to have to take this punch in the kisser, roll with it, get up, dust myself off and try again... Or try something else.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Cold Case, A 100 Word Story

He was in custody… Finally. The DNA and physical evidence had little by little led the cops to his front door. He stood in the lineup completely remorseless, his dark eyes burning with hate, his brow furrowed as if he could see through the two way mirror to where his victims stood.
One by one they were brought in. One by one they each identified him.
Tony, Lucky, Snap, Crackle and Pop all somberly pointed and called his number.
It was the end of the fear, but not of the shame. They had caught the world’s most notorious cereal rapist.


Saturday, July 26, 2008

Random Thought

I've been in kind of a bad mood lately. I've been doing the whole bipolar thing for a while, and the week before was pretty good... This week not so much.
Work has been slow. My personal life has been non-existant. I have one really good friend locally, and most of the time I wonder why he puts up with me.
Three mornings a week I do the gym thing, the other mornings Jack and I do the dog park.
It's nice. It's not crowded at all at 7am. We climb in the Jeep while the Texas morning is still damp enough to be somewhat cool and drive down 6th st. through an almost deserted downtown. All the bars are closed and the sidewalks are empty save the bus stops and the homeless.
At the park the lot is always full of jogger's cars, but I can squeeze the Jeep in somewhere.As soon as we cross the South 1st st. bridge Jack starts bouncing around in the back... He knows.
The smells start to relax me even before we park. The grass, the river, whatever the hell is blooming at any given time... The dog poop. Hey, it's all part of the experience.
Sometimes I grab a tennis ball out of the Jeep, but most of the time we find one or two on the riverbank.
I don't know why I bother with that though, because most of the time he's too preoccupied to chase it. You know, things to sniff, things to pee on... Most of the time the same things.
As for me it's just nice to stand in the shadow of the city listening to the birds and the wind in the trees knowing that my day has yet to go to Hell.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Living Deadly, A 100 Word Story

Eric chambered another round into the .308.
“Like shooting fish in a barrel, eh Jack?”
“Pass me the 12-guage would you?”
“Didn’t I tell you I’d find us a good place to hole up?”
“Don’t know why I was ever afraid of zombies.”
“They’re not so tough with a bullet in their heads, are they Jack?”
“Hell, I bet I could even take ‘em out with my .40”
“Oops, better stick with the long guns, right Jack?”
“Hand me another magazine, would ya?"
“Jack? You OK?”


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I'm Hip

Damn. I was talking about the dog trying to kill me and almost took myself out.
At work yesterday I was using a rolling cart. It's rectangular with two sides about waist high. One of the sides came loose and I stepped up on the cart to get some leverage to fix it.
Well, the cart started rolling. I thought, "I used to ride a skateboard, I'll just fix the cart and ride it out."
The cart turns at one end... The uphill end. So, the cart starts to spin, and I'm hanging on... No worries, it's kind of fun.
Once the cart is sideways it hit something on the ground that stopped it, so instead of rolling it's now flipping over. I can't step off because the inertia is pushing me to an edge with the waist high side.
My feet got tangled in one side while the opposite side hit me in the gut and pushed me over backward.
Lucky for me I know how to fall, so I just tucked and rolled, but I hit the ground hip first and man did that hurt.
I was bruised bad enough I couldn't do my four mile walk last night. I took Jack to the dog park and he went crazy for a couple of hours, so I did at least get to sleep last night.
I hit the gym this morning and did OK, but damn that hurt.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Shadow Knows

Jack is trying to kill me. I see fairly well in the dark. Always have. Because of that I rarely turn on lights if I get up in the middle of the night.
I may not be able to make out details, or read, but I see shapes and layouts just fine. I can make out doors, coffee tables, toilet vs bathroom floor, handle on the fridge, &tc.
What I can't see is that damn dog. He blends into the shadows, pads around almost as quiet as I do and tends to stand right in front of or just behind me.
I have bumped him. I have kicked him. I have stepped on him. I have very nearly fallen headlong over him. That little son of a bitch is solid, and because he is afraid of nothing he doesn't duck, flinch or shy away, which means the next time I go to the fridge or the bathroom in the middle of the night may be my last.
Maybe I need one of these.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

Baby Baby

At the dog park yesterday I ran into Amy walking her black lab Coal. Amy was a part time waitress at the pub for a year or so. She is a beautiful, tiny little thing. She barely comes up to my chest. She is also very pregnant... with twins. She doesn't seem to have gained a lot of weight, but she looks like she is trying to smuggle a beach ball. She was always pretty, but her blue eyes seem to have an extra sparkle now that makes her radiant.
It kind of tweaked my daddy urges again. I'm so excited for her. It was all I could do not to reach out and rub her belly. I know she would have let me... Probably even encouraged me to do so (we have talked about me wanting kids before) but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
I wrote a short piece for another former pub employee who was expecting a couple of years ago, I think it bears re-posting for Amy's soon to be offspring... Advice for a newborn:
It's better to try and fail, than to wish later on that you had tried.
If you tell a lie, it had better be worth sustaining, because you will have to tell it for the rest of your life.
Nothing you say can EVER be fully taken back.
Anything anyone tells you is "the worst thing that can happen" isn't.
No, you can't be anything you want to be, but you had better damn well try.
Never hate. Hate takes energy. Anyone you are willing to hate is not worth the effort.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, look 'em right in the eye and never... Never back down from something you truly believe in... Ever.
That's it. The accumulated wisdom of thirty-nine years.
Good luck.
Oh yeah, almost forgot: You don't have to be able to outrun the lions, just be able to outrun the slowest antelope.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


Work has me running like a crazy man. I'll post something new when I get a chance.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Revolting Situation

July 14th marks the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille and the beginning of the French revolution.
Here in Austin is the French Legation, built as an embassy to the Republic of Texas in 1841.
Saturday night was the Bastille day celebration at the French Legation. It's only about a mile from my house, and yet I'd never been there. When a friend of mine invited me out, I decided it would be a pleasant way to spend the evening.
There was wine and food and a silent auction. I had no wine, I didn't eat, and I bid on nothing. I did however juggle with some of the entertainers, listen to French and Creole music and laugh at the French cars (One Citroen had a flat two cylinder engine).
I got there around 8pm so it wasn't too hot and it was actually nice in the shade.
I do have to say, they had the worst imitation guillotine I've ever seen, and the guy opperating it was wearing a striped polo shirt and a lone ranger mask... But it was pretty funny seeing all the people going up to get their pictures taken with their head on the block.

I came straight from work, so I didn't bring my camera. All photos were taken by my buddy M.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Happy Hour, A 100 Word Poem

Bourbon is my favorite drink
Mix it with ice at the kitchen sink
I sip and I swallow and try not to think
About my poor life perched on the brink
One too many and it seems in a blink
My persona is that of some missing link
With the guys I will fight at the girls I will wink
Angry one minute the next tickled pink
Always quite sure that my shit don’t stink
The whole damn time I act like a fink
I drop in more ice with a splash and a clink
Bourbon is my favorite drink


Friday, July 11, 2008

Easy Mark, A 100 Word Story

Wrench and Weasel were a hard pair of evil dudes. They were feeling lucky when Wally walked into that dive bar. Five foot nine and well dressed Wally ordered a martini and paid with a C note.
Sitting down he sobbed, “Cheating bitch.”
Wrench nodded and Weasel asked, “Wanna talk about it?”
After an hour of talking and drinking, Wally was just leaving when Weasel pulled out his pistol.
Wally watched them drive away with his money, his car and the surprise in the trunk. He dialed 911 and screamed, “Two bikers just stole my car and kidnapped my wife…”


Thursday, July 10, 2008

Gratuitus Jack Pictures

I can't think of anything to write about today... Work is intruding... That's what happens when you take a half day off.

Only in a Jeep

Playing with his toys. The hedgehog squeeks, the cow moos. Really.


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Yakkety Kayak

I'm taking half a day off work tomorrow to try out my new kayak. I've already had it in the water, but I made the mistake of taking Jack along. It's a one man boat, and the surface was too slick for him to stand on, so he ended up in the cockpit with me. Thank God I lost all that weight. I lost 40lbs, and ended up with an extra 42.
The other issue with Jack in the boat is that he can't sit still. Every time he moved we changed course due to the weight shift... not to mention that he tried to drink over the side of the boat and he fell out. The bad part was that I had to drag his wet fuzzy ass back into the cockpit with me.
I'll go out tomorrow and get the hand of maneuvering it a little better... The last time I really rowed a boat may have been a canoe at camp when I was 10. After I learn that, I'll build a platform for the dog on the back. Something skidproof... With a water bowl.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Blue Healer

Jack has really settled in. I was afraid at first that I had made a mistake when I adopted him.
He was damaged... And so was I. I was afraid that selfishness and lonelyness had pushed me to make a bad choice.
My ex-wife really did a number on my psyche. After the divorce all my bad qualities were elevated to new and terrible heights. When I came back to some sort of normal, my first real relationship managed to stick the knife in almost the exact same slot. It nearly unhinged me.
I've been fighting the good fight this time... But I wasn't gaining much ground.
It's good to have a dog again. He and I are learning each other, and things are good.
Yesterday we spent our first entire day together.
He did the 7.5 mile loop like a champ, stopping at the dog park for a little while. Not many dogs there early in the morning and he got bored quickly.
We met a friend for lunch at Opal Divine's on 6th, and Jack was well behaved... If a little restless.
I had to do a service call for work, and he waited in the Jeep very patiently.
Back at the dog park it was really crowded... I think I misread the animal aggression thing. He did very well, even when a little dog got all snappy right in his face. He is as fast as lightning, easily outstripping all the other dogs on the field, but he doesn't swim well... He's all muscle and slowly his hips go down and he ends up splashing like a drowning man.
We ended the night at a friend's house for a movie, and he stayed in the backyard and ran through the sprinkler.
Back at home he curled up on his blanket and was out like a light.
It feels good to have someone to take care of. I need that I suppose. He's happy to have a new home, and shows me by trying to learn. He learns very quickly. Dogs go in back of the Jeep. No jumping on the furniture. Sit, down, shake and we're working on stay... That one may take a while.
We're gonna be OK. Both of us.


Saturday, July 05, 2008

I'm Alright Jack

Meet Jack.
Jack is the newest occupant of the dog house. He just kind of fell into my lap. He's a 40 odd lb, full blooded Blue Heeler (cattle dog).
He was a surrender dog at the Bastrop County Animal Shelter. In other words he had a woman who told him she loved him, then couldn't handle the commitment that went along with that and dumped him.
I wonder what that's like.
Jack has some issues. Heelers are descendants of Austrailian Dingos so they are strong willed pack animals to start with.
He is a little over a year old, and the word "no" to him has always been a mild suggestion. We'll have to work on that.
He is also a shadow dog, and when I first brought him home he was rarely more than three feet from me... That's already getting better.
He's a high energy beastie too. I've never seen a dog vibrate before. As many times as I've heard the phrase "quivering with anticipation" I never knew it to be so apt. Everything has to be now... How about now? Now? How about... NOW? He did my four mile loop with me, no sweat, although he did have to rest for a while (10 mins) after.
He is super friendly with people, but has some animal aggression... Especially animals that run from him. Probably from his shelter experience. We'll have to work on that as well.
He is really intellegent and eager to please, but his ADD slows his progress. He understands sit and down, but can't seem to stay put, so it's sit, down, up, sit, down, up, ad infinitum. Maybe after he settles in he'll calm down some. I'd hate to put him on doggie downers.
He seems to be housebroken, and only chews things he's supposed to chew. I did catch him with a pair of my socks, but I scolded him and traded for a rawhide toy... He seemed to get the picture.
He seems to enjoy riding in the Jeep, but that may be just because we use it to go to the park... It is still taking some convincing that he belongs in the back and not in the passenger side.
He's a good dog, but we have a long row to hoe.


Friday, July 04, 2008

A Safe And Happy 4th

No preaching today. Go, enjoy yourselves. Eat hotdogs and hamburgers. Shoot off fireworks. Have fun and be careful... And try not to take your freedoms for granted.

Honestly, A 100 Word Story

Commander George Taylor stared aghast at the scene below. Since they had crashed on this God forsaken planet, Dodge had been killed in the hunt and Landon was nowhere to be found.
Taylor tried to fathom what he was seeing. There were hundreds of them… maybe thousands.
The wrinkled simian faces fringed with black fur, the deep set dark eyes, and the long lanky bodies. They were everywhere, splitting logs for fences, giving speeches, and every one of them in a black suit with a stove pipe hat.
Horrified, Taylor knew. They had landed on the Planet of the Abes.


Thursday, July 03, 2008

Hard Sell, A 100 Word Work Story

It was a little after dark when he rang the doorbell. The lady who answered didn’t even undo the chain.
“May I help you?” she asked rudely.
“Yes Ma’am,” he said, with his most charming look. “Would you be interested in a demonstration of the most powerful vacuum cleaner on the market?”
She mumbled some excuse as she started closing the door.
He lunged forward, smashing the door open and snapping the chain. He grabbed her, bent her head back and sank his fangs into her throat. Drinking his fill he realized being a vampire vacuum cleaner salesman sucks doubly.


Sun Of Man, A 100 Word Story

It turns out that global warming wasn’t man made after all. That old Sun was just warming up for the big one. First the sun spots came, then the giant solar flares. The oceans boiled down to salt flats as most of the plants and animals died. We managed to finish the space ark just in time. Just a couple of human families, and a cross section of Earth’s flora and fauna… And then, “BOOM” supernova. At least God gave us warning. The Christ figure was being born on another planet, and he needed a star to guide the faithful.


Birthright, A 100 Word Story

Milton was miserable. Hell, he hated his whole life. Computers would fry as soon as his fingers hit the keyboard. Flowers wilted as he cast his shadow upon them. Animals fled at his approach. He couldn’t even find solace in a carton of ice cream, as it melted at the mere touch of his hand.
Things might have been different had his father acknowledged him, for Milton was born into a family of great power. Alas, it was not to be due to a mix up at the hospital. Somewhere in the world a mortal was passing as the antichrist.



The whole "no bread" thing didn't quite work out for me. I can't give up my morning muffin... It's one of the few absolute joys in my life.
One of my delivery guy's grandad came by and dropped off a box of kolatchies (pig in a blanket made with sausage and jalapinos) and I couldn't resist.
Still, I'm continuing with the exercise program and I'm down to 178. 3 pounds to go. I don't think I'll be able to hold it at 175 though. 180 is much easier.


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

If I Had A Boat...

Well, now I have a boat. I stopped at Academy Sports on the way home yesterday and bought a 10' kayak. It's a Pelican Persuit 100 for those who know kayaks. I've been wanting one for a long time, so call it an early birthday present.
I got a kayak, paddle, life vest, sunglasses and a new pair of Nikes for $300.
I can't wait to see if it works as well in the water as it does on the floor of my shop.


Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Working Up A Leather

Leather is the traditional three year anniversay gift. Three freakin' years I've been spouting off here.
July 1st 2005. As far as I can find on the net, nothing newsworthy happened. Including this.

Overheard At Work

Me: I'm thinking about getting a kayak for myself for my birthday.

Delivery guy: What are you gonna do with a kayak?

Me: I'm going to keep fruit in it. Why?

Delivery guy: I, uh... ?


Nobody's Girl

The first man that you ever loved
Left your mama and never said goodbye to anyone
And you were raised with your head held high
But any fool can see it's just a clever disguise

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You've always been a little scared to open your heart
And you never let anybody take it too far
You never let 'em on the inside
Cause you're always scared you'll be taken for a ride

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

Everybody wants you but you don't want to care
So you keep 'em at a distance with the frown you wear
You spend your time trying to even the score
And you've got it in your head you deserve a lot more

The first one was a total disaster
So was the second one and every one after
But when you're breaking in a broken home
You're gonna be sure to spend some nights on your own

When you're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You're nobody's girl

-Reckless Kelly