Saturday, December 31, 2005

Same Crap, New Year

Well, loyal readers, tomorrow is the first day of 2006. It is also the 6 month anniversary of my little blog project here. They say most bloggers quit after 90 days, so I have doubled that anyway. I have watched my readership go up and down over about 5 of those months and due to the trends I will try to do more news and political postings (they seem to be the most popular) I will continue looking for the best lunch at a strip joint (also very popular- sorry JRB) and I will try to keep the personal stories short, to the point and unincriminating. I still have a few more friends to embarass with tales of adventure though.

Five years ago tonight I was sitting in the apartment I shared with my then wife, she was moping in the bedroom and I was drinking champaign straight from the bottle(s) watching the ball on TV drop. My marriage was over and I remember taking off my ring and looking though it trying to see the future. I never would have guessed that I would be 1500 miles away, have a good job making great money, a pub where every one knows me, and more friends than ever before... Oh, and a Jeep, my favorite 4 wheeled vehicle I ever owned.

That being said I will now test my clairvoiancy on the year ahead. So, without further adu, My predictions for Two thousand six.

1: The next major terror attack will occur in the US. Unfortunately for the Jihadists it will be in Alabama and they will all be killed off by Good 'ol boys who just happened to have hunting rifles in their trucks. No one will ever hear about it because the local Sherriff will sweep the incident under the rug.

2: Major race riots will break out in California. The participants on both sides will be white. It will be led by bleeding-hearts from Berkley who think they understand and represent the downtrodden. A follow-up riot exactly the same only smaller will happen in Austin, TX because too many freakin' liberals/Californians live here. African-American leadership will denounce them as "A bunch of fucked-up crackers"

3: It will be discovered by the music industry that Ringo Starr was really the talent behind the Beatles.

4: Gun manufacturors afraid of being sued for selling guns will instead give them away as prizes in boxes of cereal called Cordite-O's.

5: Hillery Clinton in an effort to show she is more moderate will alienate part of her base voters. (oh, wait... that happened last year.)

6: Skinny ties and fedoras will come back (aka: the 50's look) I always liked that style.

7: It will be proven once and for all that global warming is caused by the Sun. The media will refuse to report it... again.

8: Reasearchers will discover that cloning is fake and pro-wrestling is real.

9: Biologists will find that the tiny reindeer in Alaska are tiny because of the oil in the ground. After we drill, these poor beasts will finally be able to grow to their actual full size.

10: And lastly, main stream media will realize that the real news is reported mostly by bloggers. After a failed attempt to kill us all off, the best will be hired as consultants at a ridiculously high salary. I will NOT be one of them.



At December 31, 2005 6:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot one...

That annoying woman outside of Bush's TX ranch will be trampled to death by goats that mysteriously escaped through a hole in the fence...
and her husband will take up the cause of outlawing goats......
and holes in fences......

Happy New Year Knine


At January 02, 2006 11:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said: Ringo Starr was always most people's favorite. We liked his drums.


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