Friday, September 29, 2006

Stretch-ing The Truth

Dave. My old friend Dave and I led kind of an interesting existance for a while. A limbo of being broke, sudden windfalls, bad luck and worse judgement. David was/is a good looking guy. I mean good-looking almost to the point of effeminent... Almost. (Think Ashton Kutcher. Dave doesn't look like him, but you get the idea.) Hanging out with Dave made me swear to myself my next close friend would be a troll, but the run-off was great... If you get my meaning.
Dave and I met in the grocery business. I was in charge of the warehouse and stock crew and he worked customer service, computers and the front desk. I never really spoke to him, until I was going to lunch one day and loudly announced that if anyone wanted to come, come now. Dave came. Uneventful is the best I can say. We went to Boli's pizza on 5th, got a pitcher of beer and a stromboli, then back to work. About a week later the same thing... Lunch, now. Dave came. We got a pitcher of beer and ordered the food. The food didn't come. The food still didn't come. By the time the food came, the pitcher was empty. After we finished eating, and drinking the second pitcher of beer we were a half hour late back from lunch. So, we did the only thing that seemed right at the time... We ordered another pitcher of beer. We arrived back at work two hours late from lunch and not a little intoxicated. We would have gotten away with it too if we hadn't forgotten that we took lunch orders for all the girls working in the office. We ordered their food. We paid for their food. We just forgot to bring back their food. They ratted us out. The manager in charge had a wicked sense of justice. He made us work out the rest of our shifts. Man, that sucked.
On the side Dave ran this limo service. A Night Out Limo. Sometimes if I was bored or needed extra cash I would ride shotgun on the big parties. Dave had (aside from the limo) this piece of crap mustang that ran sometimes, at best, and a roomate with no car, Steve.
Dave got us set up on a blind date with these two girls, we were to meet them at the Attic. We met, they were nice, and attractive, and we started to drink and have a good time. After a while they went to the bathroom (together as girls do) and we waited at the table. We waited, and waited, and waited. Finally we realized we had been ditched. (Actually we hadn't- there was just a really long line at the ladies room. The girls really liked us and were having a good time. Needless to say after what happens in the rest of the story they refused to go out with us again, though) So already drinking, and believing ourselves ditched we picked up the pace. Angry and drunk we proceeded to woman bash our way through downtown Greenville. We made our way loudly and obnoxiously to the Sub Station II, a sandwich shop and the last bastion of angry drunks to eat before making their way home at the end of a night. I had driven downtown, but was in no shape to drive back, so we called Steve, who at 1 am was less than pleased to hear from us. Never the less he is on the way. We had been having a heated argument with a table full of drunk girls about the worth of women who would ditch guys in the middle of a date, especially fine upstanding (which we barely could) men of our caliber. They in turn were deriding (and rightly so) our character until...
Into the parking lot rolls this Cadillac super-stretch Limosine. The mustang wouldn't start. Dave and I stroll across the parking lot, still holding our beer and climb into the back. Steve rolls down the divider window and said, "I got my ass out of bed to come get you, where's my (explitive deleted) beer?"
So, I climb back out of the car, go inside to order three more for the road. There is silence at the Sub Station. Every eye is on me. I just turned around, took a swig and looked at the table full of girls we had been arguing with and said, "You just never know, do you?"



At September 30, 2006 9:21 AM, Anonymous Constance Reader said...

OH, that's classic!

At September 30, 2006 1:54 PM, Blogger KeesKennis said...

Sometimes those long shots pay big.
If you don't play you can't collect.
Good story

At October 01, 2006 12:49 AM, Blogger Jean said...

haaaaaa....guess you showed them... great story!


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