Just A Taste

That story about Dave made me think of my old roommates. After Dave & I became friends we hung out a lot. We'd go out drinking and crash at his place. I always slept on the couch in the living room and other hangers on would sleep wherever. Saturday morning I would wake and quietly watch TV until Ren & Stimpy would come on. Then I would crank up the volume as Dog Pound Hop (the theme song) played and little by little everyone would come out and get coffee, watch Ren & Stimpy and then go to Golden Corral for brunch buffet.

That's how I met Mike, Dave's brother. At the time Mike lived in Fayetteville, NC. Think Fort Bragg. We called it Fayette-nam, and with good reason. Dave and I went to see his folks down there one weekend. One of Mike's college friends, Patrick, was visiting and staying with him.

I have to say a little about Patrick. Nervous, skinny, uptight and slightly anal. Mike, Pat and I shared an apartment later in life. Patrick would come home, still wearing his tie and start to vacuum. You just wanted to smack him with the remote control. If he hadn't been such a nice guy I probably would have.

Anyhow, the four of us dressed up in our silk shirts and baggy pants (Shut up, it was the early '90's) and went out on the town. We hit all the nicest places (both of them) but ended up on Hay Street at midnight. Red light district in a military town. You do the math.

We stopped at a place called Rick's Lounge. You could tell it was classy by the marquee over the door... "TONIGHT ONLY- STEPHANIE EVANS & HER SNAKES"

Just inside the door Dave stopped me. Mike and Patrick kept walking. "Wait" was all he said. Up on stage was a huge champaign glass filled with (I'm supposing) water and a naked girl. She climbed out of the glass and proceeded to shoot water across the stage... Across the floor... Across the bar. She was NOT using a water gun. Yeah. That. Ohhhh-Kayyyy.

She left the stage and out came a girl with a 15 foot python. Dave and I then made our way to the bar where I found Patrick. Sweet, quiet Patrick.

He was banging on the bar like an angry gorrilla, yelling "GIVE ME A BEER. A BEER... I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF BEER, GIVE ME A BEER! GIVE ME A BEER, NOW!" Now, I had just met Pat, but I could tell this was way out of the ordinary. So I asked him, "What's the matter, Pat?"

He just turned to me with a crazed look in his eye and said, "I got some of that water in my mouth."