Hand Out for a Handout

It's not my fault. I refuse to accept responsibility for my circumstances.

First of all I blame my parents. Good, hardworking people who pushed me to better myself and do the right things. I tried hard to ignore their advice, but I was conditioned to eventually be an upstanding person. I mean, my God, they talked to my teachers about my performance in school (which wasn't always all that great), they gave me curfews and boundaries... They even made me get a job! And that on top of having to occasionally having to work around the house and in the garden. They let me drive one of their old cars when I got a license, but eventually they made me buy my own car. They taught me that credit was for big purchases and emergencies only and that you pay your bills... Even at the expense of doing something fun. They bailed me out a couple of times, but not without handwringing and lectures. Yes, no doubt the pattern starts there.

Then there were my siblings. Dammo, man, I was always held up to their standards. "You know, your brother built a nuclear reactor out of toothpicks, a spool, six rubberbands and a piece of tin when he was your age... And it powered the henhouse for a month." Not to mention the advice and support they gave me. My youngest sister giving me books to expand my mind. My youngest brother giving me art supplies and teaching me history. My oldest brother teasing and testing me, showing me tricks and giving me brain teasers. My oldest sister always giving me morality checks. That's only a taste of what I had to go through. All that, even though we didn't always get along all that well.

After that it was my employers. I'd go to work and everything I learned at home would kick in. I'd work hard, do extra stuff and try to learn how to do everything. What did I get for all that? Small pay raises and promotions. Unbelievable! From the age of 14 to 21 I worked my way through the whole grocery hierarchy. From bagboy to manager in 7 years. Was that enough? No way! I managed a handfull of different types of stores... Almost always more responsibilities... More money. I managed to delay this a few times, but I just couldn't stop myself.

So, where am I now? No welfare checks, no government assistance for me. Apparently I don't deserve it. I have to pay my own way. I never even got any unemployment checks. Never. No government housing for me. I have to pay a lot of money for the apartment I live in. I didn't get any grants to go to college. I had to get loans... LOANS... Then I had to PAY THEM BACK! The nerve. The unmitigated gall. On top of all this my government makes me pay taxes. I have to PAY. I never had to pay when I was a bagboy. Now all of a sudden I've become some kind of second class citizen and have to pay to live in this country. Here in this, the land of opportunity, I must have squandered mine.