Thursday, November 17, 2005

Naked Lunch Specials II

The Yellow Rose

Located on Lamar, The Yellow Rose is one of the best known strip joints in Austin. I am going to assume it was named for the famous song, which a lot of historians say was written about a mulatto prostitute of yore. That's not what were here for today, so on to the review.

Parking at the Rose is walled off with more parking in back, so it would be hard for your vehicle to be spotted by someone casually driving by. One again valet is available, once again, I didn't use it.

The main entrance at the Rose is more like what I expect at a strip joint. I little boxed vestibule, a glass door and and then the desk.

After the desk, you go down a ramp to the club proper. The bar is against the wall in the lower area, and (something I didn't like) almost no tables against the walls... and most of those are reserved for larger parties, & the edges of the club are surrounded by padded booths, VIP booths... that cost extra.
The main stage was in the upper area (three steps up) with a second stage running the middle of the lower area. The lighting was perfect... light enough to see, dark enough for a strip joint, but the music was too loud. So loud in fact the bass had a rattle to it, unattractive even if you like that type of crap.

I stopped at the bar to ask the layout (that's how I found out about the booths) and wait for Tim who opted to join me for lunch today and order a Guinness. Pub draft cans, not on tap this time... Well it could be worse... It was... "Six bucks! Are you kiddin' me!? Six friggin' dollars! For Guinness in a CAN?!"

After being gouged because I don't drink pisswater on tap I sat down at one of the larger tables anyway, with my back against the wall, put my feet up and glowered at anyone who looked like they were thinking about asking me to move. Sometimes it's good to need a haircut, have a bushy goatee and wear biker t-shirts a leather jacket and steel toed boots.

The waitress was a little slow, probably because I looked angry and had a full beer in front of me. Tim called to say he was on the way, so I flagged down a girl and ordered a vitamin G for him too.

After he arrived we asked for the lunch special. Surf and Turf... Woo Hooo! Steak and Lobster for $9.99. I (as always) asked for rare med rare and Tim ordered his Medium. "What kind of dressing would you like?" A salad too? Score! "What about your potato?" What, not fries? Load that puppy up.

The salad came first, duh, and it was pretty good. Same problem I have with every salad everywbere... I'm spoiled for fresh tomatoes. Not huge but good none the less.

The main dish was impressive. A good sized steak, a med sized potato (with sour cream, bacon bits, chives and butter and cheese), a lobster tail and a big roll with a little bucket o' butter. Tim looked at me and said, "Man, thats a lot of food for ten bucks!" I agreed whole heartedly. The food was GOOD too. Both Steaks were cooked to order, the lobster was a little rubbery but only a little (We ARE in the middle of Texas you know), and the potato was top notch.

No complaints about this meal, it was as good as any Outback Steakhouse, fast and filling.

Tim and I missed it because we were stuffing our faces, but the Rose has something called "flashdances". It's kinda different. The girls come table to table for aroud 20-30 seconds and do a lapdance for $1. Not a bad deal since one song (2-3 mins) is usually $10-$20.

So, on to the sliding scale (if anyone can come up with a witty dog-related name for the scale, I'd be obliged. I've tried for two weeks and I got nuttin")

Service: 9 (Didn't like that I had to ask for a waitress, after she got there she was top notch though.)

Food: 10 (Dead on, no complaints.)

Atmosphere: 7 (loud music is OK. Too loud is not)

Value: 7 (Still pissed off about $6.25 per Guinness. Especially since domestics were $2.50. This brought the Total for food and beer to over $30 per person. A little much for lunch.)

Total: 8.25 (once again more than acceptable, but not an everyday thing)

Special Thanks to my friend Tim for a wonderful lunch experience, and his wife Cynthia for thinking this was a good idea and letting Tim come. She may even join us at some club in the future.

Next week I plan to head over by Highland Mall to Sugar's Uptown Caberet.

If you have a club in your area you would like to review (Food only please, my mother reads this) send a write up to and I may post it. Or if you are in the Austin area and have a club you would like me to visit and review, or would like to join me for lunch, just place in comments.



At November 17, 2005 9:22 PM, Anonymous Austin Stevens said...

Why not a....

Dog Scale:

10- Great Dane
9- Afghan
8- German Shepherd
7- Rottweiler
6- Collie
5- Dalmatian
4- Boston Terrier
3- Miniature Poodle
2- Shih-Tzu
1- Chihuahua

At November 18, 2005 12:41 PM, Blogger K-nine said...

I kinda like the Idea, but I question your allocation of dogs. Why is afghan over Rotweiler? and what do we call the scale itself? It's a work in progress, and I only have about 8 more local strip clubs left.

At November 18, 2005 4:38 PM, Anonymous Austin Stevens said...

Well, I was basing it on size of the dog.....

At November 18, 2005 5:13 PM, Blogger K-nine said...

Body weight or shoulder heighth? Because an Irish Wolfhound is taller than a Dane.

At November 18, 2005 6:48 PM, Anonymous JRB said...

3 points to make here-

1) No good dog names, but how about a swine scale? as I find this activity more akin to the behavior of that creature. You know, 1 curl (of the pig's tail) to 10 curls for a particularly delightful experience for a Pig.

2) Re-read your responses to your friendly blogger above, who, after all, was just participating as you had encouraged, and you will see why most people other than me don't regularly respond to you. You're a condescending, no spelling, strip joint going oinker who really isn't interested in the other person's ideas, rather in a jumping off place for an argument. I, however, have no problem sparring with you because you're mean to me in person so why would e-mean intimidate me?
A word of advice to blogger. Never, under any circumstances, indicate that a Rot is not the king of the dog world or old knine here will lose his s--t - as you have now seen.

3) Those "biker shirts" better darn well not be my Dad's shop!!!!!!!
Don't make me come out there!!!


At November 19, 2005 10:37 AM, Anonymous Austin Stevens said...

Yeah, I know k-nine... drink with him at times.... His comments don't phase me.

At November 19, 2005 10:52 AM, Blogger K-nine said...

Hey, hey, hey now... I never said anything was wrong with Austin's idea. In fact I said I liked it. I was just asking for clarification. I also didn't but the rottie over the Dane, so there. Thanks again Austin, and JRB love ya... I really do. Tell your Dad I said howdy. (oh, and I was wearing a ROT rally shirt)

Oink... I mean Woof-woof.

At November 19, 2005 2:51 PM, Anonymous Mom said...

Some of our writers in Murfreesboro say that the song "Yellow Rose of Texas" was
about a mulatta who was born as a slave in Murfreesboro. She escaped slavery by
running away to Texas. Some songwriter in Texas thought she was very beautiful
(unless he hadn't seen a woman in a long while.) Anyway, he wrote the song about her
and probably made her his mistress. She may have become a prostitute. And there is
the possibility that the whole story was somebodies imagination. Love you, Mom

At November 19, 2005 3:59 PM, Anonymous JRB said...

Knine you know I love ya' lots too - too Mom. Sorry I was rough on your young 'un. You know I just love teasing him. It is my joy in life.....that's sad isn't it?!?!?

Dad says "Howdy" to all. He probably wouldn't mind the shirt. Probably get him some more customers! Gives me the creepies though!!!

Until the cage rattles again......


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