Ex Y Z

I mention my ex-wife from time to time, but rarely do I ever give any concrete facts about her. To be brutally honest, I don't have any recent concrete facts about her. I don't know where she lives, I have lost touch with her folks. All I really know is that today is her birthday.

I thought about her the other day and it was kind of a shock. Mostly because I hadn't realized that I hadn't been thinking about her, and I'm not sure for how long. I've been seperated/divorced for longer than I was married now. I'm pretty much over being bitter and angry. I doubt I'll ever trust much again, but then I never trusted much to begin with.

It was just strange, because I used to think about her all the time. A TV show, a movie, a song... Little things, and there she was, in my head.

No so anymore, I guess. I was happy being married. It was a tough thing for her to domesticate me, but once I started thinking plural, it was hard to stop. Even a couple years ago when I blew the engine in my car, "married-man" kicked on in the back of my head. "Now I need to get a sedan, maybe a four-door with good gas milage..." Twenty minutes went by before I figured out that no one could tell me "No" anymore. Hel-lo Jeep.

I suppose a lot of people out there will try to read something into this post. Don't. I was happy being married... I am better off not.

A lot of people have told me since the split that they saw it coming. Maybe. Maybe not. I didn't.

Happy Birthday Shakes, wherever you are.

It’s a sunny day in sunny california
But that old sun it’s shining on me right here at home
It’s one of those days
When those great ideas they just seem to fall out on you
And they always fall the greatest when you’re falling all alone
It makes for a good day for some serious reflection
And massive rationalization
For contemplating the future of the future
And the last of the past
And wondering if you could ever forgive me darling
All the trouble that I put to you
And if I could forget all those questions
That I never asked

And if I could forgive
The temporary weight gain due to excess water retention
I could forgive the rest too
It’s just a fact of life
That no one cares to mention
She wasn’t good
But she had good intentions

So the grass it grows
When the sun it shines
And my face it glows
When the woman’s mine
And you say I’m a fool-around
Honey that may be true
But I’d sooner fool around
Than be a fool for a fool

And if I could forgive
The unadulterated adulterating apprehension
I could forgive the rest too
It’s just a fact of life
That no one cares to mention
She wasn’t good
But she had good intentions

So I’m twenty-six and rising (OK, thirty-seven)
Still too young to live
But too low to go
I guess it’s the process
Of learning to excess
All of those things
That you already know

And if I could forgive
The honey-i-swear-it-didn’t-mean-a-thing-to-me
Attempt at abstention
I could forgive the rest too
It’s just a fact of life
That no ones cares to mention
She wasn’t good
But she had good intentions

-Lyle Lovett