Happy Thanksgiving!

I will be spending the holiday out in the hill country of central Texas with one of my best friend's family. Lots of good food, good friends and a keg of local micro-brewed black beer. Woo-Hoo!

Good wishes to you and all of yours. Thatisall.

OOps...

Someone told me this was down. It's fixed now. Go. See. Click the pic.

Oh, and make sure the sound is on! Woo-Hoo!

Naked Lunch Specials II

The Yellow Rose


Located on Lamar, The Yellow Rose is one of the best known strip joints in Austin. I am going to assume it was named for the famous song, which a lot of historians say was written about a mulatto prostitute of yore. That's not what were here for today, so on to the review.

Parking at the Rose is walled off with more parking in back, so it would be hard for your vehicle to be spotted by someone casually driving by. One again valet is available, once again, I didn't use it.

The main entrance at the Rose is more like what I expect at a strip joint. I little boxed vestibule, a glass door and and then the desk.

After the desk, you go down a ramp to the club proper. The bar is against the wall in the lower area, and (something I didn't like) almost no tables against the walls... and most of those are reserved for larger parties, & the edges of the club are surrounded by padded booths, VIP booths... that cost extra.
The main stage was in the upper area (three steps up) with a second stage running the middle of the lower area. The lighting was perfect... light enough to see, dark enough for a strip joint, but the music was too loud. So loud in fact the bass had a rattle to it, unattractive even if you like that type of crap.

I stopped at the bar to ask the layout (that's how I found out about the booths) and wait for Tim who opted to join me for lunch today and order a Guinness. Pub draft cans, not on tap this time... Well it could be worse... It was... "Six bucks! Are you kiddin' me!? Six friggin' dollars! For Guinness in a CAN?!"

After being gouged because I don't drink pisswater on tap I sat down at one of the larger tables anyway, with my back against the wall, put my feet up and glowered at anyone who looked like they were thinking about asking me to move. Sometimes it's good to need a haircut, have a bushy goatee and wear biker t-shirts a leather jacket and steel toed boots.

The waitress was a little slow, probably because I looked angry and had a full beer in front of me. Tim called to say he was on the way, so I flagged down a girl and ordered a vitamin G for him too.

After he arrived we asked for the lunch special. Surf and Turf... Woo Hooo! Steak and Lobster for $9.99. I (as always) asked for rare med rare and Tim ordered his Medium. "What kind of dressing would you like?" A salad too? Score! "What about your potato?" What, not fries? Load that puppy up.

The salad came first, duh, and it was pretty good. Same problem I have with every salad everywbere... I'm spoiled for fresh tomatoes. Not huge but good none the less.

The main dish was impressive. A good sized steak, a med sized potato (with sour cream, bacon bits, chives and butter and cheese), a lobster tail and a big roll with a little bucket o' butter. Tim looked at me and said, "Man, thats a lot of food for ten bucks!" I agreed whole heartedly. The food was GOOD too. Both Steaks were cooked to order, the lobster was a little rubbery but only a little (We ARE in the middle of Texas you know), and the potato was top notch.

No complaints about this meal, it was as good as any Outback Steakhouse, fast and filling.

Tim and I missed it because we were stuffing our faces, but the Rose has something called "flashdances". It's kinda different. The girls come table to table for aroud 20-30 seconds and do a lapdance for $1. Not a bad deal since one song (2-3 mins) is usually $10-$20.

So, on to the sliding scale (if anyone can come up with a witty dog-related name for the scale, I'd be obliged. I've tried for two weeks and I got nuttin")

Service: 9 (Didn't like that I had to ask for a waitress, after she got there she was top notch though.)

Food: 10 (Dead on, no complaints.)

Atmosphere: 7 (loud music is OK. Too loud is not)

Value: 7 (Still pissed off about $6.25 per Guinness. Especially since domestics were $2.50. This brought the Total for food and beer to over $30 per person. A little much for lunch.)

Total: 8.25 (once again more than acceptable, but not an everyday thing)

Special Thanks to my friend Tim for a wonderful lunch experience, and his wife Cynthia for thinking this was a good idea and letting Tim come. She may even join us at some club in the future.

Next week I plan to head over by Highland Mall to Sugar's Uptown Caberet.

If you have a club in your area you would like to review (Food only please, my mother reads this) send a write up to alphaknine@hotmail.com and I may post it. Or if you are in the Austin area and have a club you would like me to visit and review, or would like to join me for lunch, just place in comments.

Ho, Ho, Huh?

True story.

I was in Albertson's (grocery store) browsing through the wine section when I got the feeling of being watched. You know that feeling... So, I look around and there's this little boy staring at me, 2-3 years old tops. His mom came over and took his hand and said, "No honey that's not him"

I looked around, but it was just me on that aisle. So I asked "I'm not who?"

"He thinks you're Santa Claus, he said he wanted to go see Santa and came over here"

OK. I haven't celebrated Christmas for close to 15 years now. I go home see family, buy presents, but I am a Scrooge, a Grinch. I spent 12 years in the Grocery industry, so all Christmas meant to me is the store's out of pie shells and some lady is pissed about it. Merry Freakin' Christmas.

I was a roughneck for a lot of my life, motorcycles, booze, fighting, not to mention I was an especially miserable bastard after my marriage broke up, and even worse after my dog passed away. Yeah, me and Kris Kringle, seperated at birth. Santa Claus.

The mother said, "Sorry honey, it's not him" and this kid's just staring at me. Staring at me in a grey dress shirt, jeans and hiking boots and believing. I may be a hard-ass, but I just couldn't let this go. St. Nick.

So I took a deep breath and said, (swear to God) "Ho, Ho, Ho... Don't let her fool you little boy." I felt like a jackass for a second... but just a second because his eyes lit up like it WAS Christmas.

So, I walked over and asked his name. He mumbled something that I've forgotton, but that doesn't matter. I went through all the Santa questions: "have you been good?" and so on. I told him it would be a while before I came, that Thanksgiving was first, I told him to tell mommy what he wanted so she could let me know.

His mother looked at me and said, "Thank you, that was very nice" and I think she meant it. but the boy waved and said, "Goodbye Santa." And I KNOW he meant it.

I'm still not gonna celebrate Christmas this year, but I sure won't bitch about it as much as I normally do.

Veteran

Here is a picture of a young eastern North Carolina farmboy. His 10th grade picture, 16 years old. Six years later he would be present at Pearl Harbor when the Japanese attacked. Just a young Army grunt, he would drive an AV fuel truck through a military base full of exploding bombs, dying men, crashing planes and sinking ships trying to get our fighters off the ground to combat the enemy.
He would fight island to island through the jungles and swamps of the South Pacific theater for the next four years. As a combat engineer he would build landing strips and roads within rifle and mortar range of the enemy. His friends would be killed and wounded. He would learn to fight to survive. He would do things no young country boy should have to.
He (several times) told me he was only scared once... "That was when they bombed Pearl Harbor, I got over it as soon as I got home in '45"
He came home, he got married, he had five kids... Good kids. He farmed, he had a civil service job, he hunted and fished, gardened and led a good life. If you had asked him, I'm sure he would have denied being a hero. He did what was necessary, what was asked of him. He was only one of thousands, millions of Americans who did what they had to do... He was my father.

Just Grand

We have reached 1000 visitors!!! Since I started counting anyway.

Our winner came to us from London, England, found my site by accident using Google, and left almost imediately. Y'all come back now, y'here.

Naked Lunch Specials

Welcome to the first re-occuring theme post on Dead Dog Walkin'. It will be of absolutely no value to anyone outside of the Austin, Tx area, and of very little value to those who do live here... But I will try to make it as informative and amusing as possible.

This first started as a plan to try to get onto a local weekly distribution's staff, get some free meals, and write anecdotes for the locals. (after I write a few, I may still do that) A few of us were discussing (while drinking at the pub) going to strip clubs. I had only gone to a few strip joints in my life, and didn't really care about them one way or another, before I moved down here. My thought was I see women I don't get to sleep with all the time, so, why see them naked. Anyway, Durring this discussion a Simpsons episode was on TV in the background and Bart (using a fake ID), Milhouse, and Nelson came out of a theater showing "Naked Lunch" and Nelson said "I can think of two things wrong with that title." An Idea was born. A bad idea, but an idea none the less. Well now I have a forum. Yes, I know my mother reads this, but if anyone knew I wasn't an angel, it's probably her.

I picked Perfect 10 (was Penthouse) for my first review, because I've been going there for a while, now. It started when a former co-worker told me his step-daughter worked there (as a waitress, you perverts) and that they had Guinness, and she might hook me up with a free pint or two. First time I ever went, I was driving my old Toyota pickup, with no AC, in August. It was roughly 375 degrees outside, and I was driving by. (It's close to home) I went inside and it was cool, and dark and they had beer. The wait staff was friendly and prompt, so I go back every so often, and am treated very well. In fact they now have Guinness on tap, not just the bottle, and I may or may not have had anything to do with that.

PERFECT 10

At first glance Perfect 10 mens club is an imposing building. Once a warehouse, it is now one of, if not the largest men's club in town. Valet parking is optional, but the lot is viewable from Bratton Ln, so if you don't want your wife to know, or you are driving the company vehicle, you may want to park at the back of the lot.

The front entrance is extremely inviting, with big double doors that lead into a wide, open front hall. You can see nothing of the club itself from the entrance, but there are usually a couple of dancers by the front desk at the end of the hall, so there are no illusions as to the type of place this may be. Near the front desk is a case where you can buy T-shirts and a small humidor with cigars for sale. (Yes, you can still smoke at Perfect 10... Because it is outside of the city limits, and still in Travis Co. it lies outside the dreaded Safty Nazi's Smoking Ban... Woo-Hoo!) And behind the desk is a small boutique in which you can buy expensive stripper outfits for your girl at home to hide in the closet and never wear.

After having your ID checked (yeah, like that's happened to me in 10 years) you turn the corner, down a short ramp and into the club proper. There is no cover until 7pm weekdays. At the end of the ramp is a bar... Ignore it. Find a table and make yourself at home, usually the wait staff is impecable, no need to carry your own beer here. The main part of the club is two levels, a lower level in front of the main stage, between two bars (the one at the end of the ramp and one the same size on the other side of the room, and an upper level (three steps up) that surrounds the center back stage. There are two additional stages: one by the DJ booth near the ramp, and and one (that doesn't seem to be used) across from and near the second bar. There is also a small area with couches for those who would like a little more intamacy without paying extra for the VIP lounge or the Champaign room. There are TV's around, usually with ESPN or sports on. The club is rather dark, especially coming in from the hot Texas sun, and the music is... well, eclectic is the nice way to put it. Each dancer on the main stage picks her own, everything from horrible rap to old rock classics to country. At least it's not so loud so you can hear and talk to your waitress.

Side note: the VIP room offers semi-privacy, and the Champaign Room has a huge projection TV that shows the main stage, for those who want privacy and still want to see what's going on up front.

Alert: Bring plenty of cash... there is an ATM, but the fee is $7 to use it. If you use a credit card I am told that it shows up as something innocous on your statement.

I chose a table in the back corner near the VIP entrance (upper level) as I have always prefered to have my back to a wall (gosh that says a lot about my personality, doesn't it?) and waited to see what the Wednesday special would be.

My waitress (one I didn't know, so I could be impartial) was there in less than one song, so there was a minimal wait. First question (as pretty much always) "What can I get you to drink?" Never one to make things easy I replied, "something just like me: cold, dark, alcoholic and slightly bitter" she blinked at me a couple of times then said "Oh, a Guinness" She may have been tipped off by the t-shirt I had on that had the Guinness logo emblazoned across my chest, but she still gets points.

The lunch special was a $2.99 NY strip and fries. Hard to go wrong with a $3 steak, so I jumped on it... Rare to med rare. I had finished my first pint and started on my second by the time the food arrived, but if you've ever seen me drink you'll know that it was a very short wait. I have to admit the steak was better than expected, but not by much. I had envisioned a shoe sole smothered in A-1 sauce. It was a little thicker than that, and the A-1 was on the side. Good flavor even if it was a little tough and cooked med instead of rare. It tasted like a steak. (I hate places that try to cover the meat taste with peppercorns and marinades and sauces) The fries were the best part of the meal however. They were big square cuts, but fried crispy, not at all soggy served with ketchup on the side. (I personally prefer my tomatoes in pill form) The meal also came with a big roll and a little pat of butter. (which I thought was a nice touch) Overall not a bad meal at all, especially when you consider I paid a dollar more per beer than I did for the food.

So, for the breakdown on the standard 1-10 sliding scale:

Service: 10 (fast and effecient)

Food: 5 (biggest deduction for cooking the steak too long)

Atmosphere: 8 (a little too dark for lunch, even with the candle on the table)

Value: 10 (I was out of there for $20 including tip, not bad for a steak & 3 pints of premium beer)

Overall breakdown: 8.25 definately more than acceptable, but not an everyday type thing.

Next week I plan to head down Lamar Blvd to the Yellow Rose.

If you have a club in your area you would like to review (Food only please, my mother reads this) send a write up to alphaknine@hotmail.com and I may post it. Or if you are in the Austin area and have a club you would like me to visit and review, or would like to join me for lunch, just place in comments.

A Comment On Comments

OK, OK. I know when to quit. I thought it would be fun to have some reader participation. A map to show where my friends and family and readers were... but noooo.

People call, e-mail and wait to see me to comment on my little ramblings rather than put them here in context. I was hoping you would use the comment section as a forum to promote discussion and in effect more ideas for me. I was wrong. I've responded to many of the few comments I've received, and there it stopped.

"What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week... ...I don't like it any better than you..."

So, from now on I'm going to feed you whatever I want.
Sex, guns, drugs, violence, booze, you name it.
I got two comments on my ancient writings, so in the next couple of days I will post two of my early journal pages.
There will be some reoccuring themes starting in the next few weeks.
After that... well, I just don't know.
I do know you can't force people to do anything they don't want to... not if you're not face to face anyway.

Hey! Pay Attention!

This Means You!

This Will Stay At The Top Until I Get Some Participation, People!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

I thought this was kinda cool. I stole the idea from another blog. It's way cooler than sitemeter, because you can put up a picture, and a comment of your own. It's (no longer) strictly voluntary (you have to click the picture), but I'm gonna be pissed if I'm the only one on here. Pictures are optional, comments are optional, Hell- the whole freakin' thing is (not) optional (anymore)...

Thanks to Beardednewt and Austin from Above for being the first two.