Saturday, September 29, 2007

Heaven, Hell Or Houston

Game day, chillun's.
Sorry posting has been even lighter than normal,
I hadn't even noticed until I saw I had two game days in a row.
The Pirates
are here in my state of residency
To face the Cougars of the U of Houston
Gametime is 7 pm eastern
(That's 6 here in Tejas)
I wish I could head down there to see a...
First Down... PIRATES!
37-35. Paint this one purple.


Saturday, September 22, 2007

West By God Virginia

Game day, children
Our beloved
East Carolina Pirates
are in Morgantown to face the
West Virginia Mountaineers
@ 12pm eastern
Admitedly I have no proof, but I've always suspected
That the field at WV is slanted 15-20 degrees towards one end,
And the Mountaineers always take the toss
So they are going downhill in the 4th.
The good news: WV isn't #4 this year
The bad news: They're #5
I have my up for the game where it will be a
First Down... PIRATES!
Ouch, ouch, ouch...
WV 48-7 final.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Unknown Drives

Austin TX Driving Test (Written)
page 1

Please note that these questions come in a mixture of Multiple Choice, True/False and Essay Questions in no particular order. Note also that you do not actually have to know anything in order to drive in Austin. Apologies to the rest of Texas… What am I saying, “The rest of Texas”? Austin isn’t Texas. Texas is 30 miles from Austin in any given direction.

1) If, for some reason after driving in the left hand lane on the interstate at 5 MPH below the posted speed limit for more than 10 miles you decide to merge right, you should:

a) Speed up to 10 MPH above the posted limit and then re-merge into the left hand lane before anyone can get past you, then resume your previous slow speed.
b) Immediately cross three lanes of traffic to exit the interstate without signaling
c) Turn your left signal on and weave slightly left as you glare at the cars in the left lane for not letting you back in.
d) Any of the above.

2) It is safe to cut off another vehicle if they have a “No blood for oil” bumper sticker. (circle one)


3) It is safe to cut off another vehicle if they have a “Bush/Cheney” bumper sticker. (circle one)


4) When driving in east Austin the most important thing to have with you is:

a) A boomin’ sound system.
b) A firearm.
c) Your greencard.

5) You have been driving in the left hand lane of the interstate at 5 MPH below the posted speed limit when you realize your exit is coming up. You should:

a) Swerve right across all lanes of traffic without signaling.
b) Swerve right across all lanes of traffic after signaling.
c) Slam on the brakes and sue the driver who hits you.

6) A police officer has pulled another driver over for some offense and is out of his car writing a ticket. You should:

a) Slow down below the posted speed limit because you feel guilty
b) Slow down below the posted speed limit to gawk
c) Slow down below the posted speed limit in case he can magically make his car appear directly behind you and pull you over next.

7) When driving in the left hand lane at 5 miles an hour below the posted speed limit on the interstate, with no traffic in front of you and 150 cars behind you, is it possible to not know you are an asshole? (please answer in 50 words or less)


Monday, September 17, 2007


Happy Birthday Hank.

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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Southern Miss-ty

Game Day
Sorry I'm Late.
Southern Miss in the Emerald City to face our very own
ECU Pirates
Kick off was @ 6pm eastern
wher it will be a...
First Down... PIRATES!
End of the first quarter tied at naught.
Hell and damnation, S. Miss scored twice while I was writing this.
middle of the 2nd, 14-0 S. Miss
On my way to the Pub to try to see the 2nd half...
Didn't get to see the game, and we lost 28-21


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Reel Lines (18)

Bennett Marco: What do your friends call you?
Eugenie Rose Chaney: Rosie.
Bennett Marco: Why?
Eugenie Rose Chaney: My full name is Eugenie Rose. Of the two names I've always favored Rose, 'cause it smells of brown soap and beer. Eugenie is somehow more fragile.
Bennett Marco: Still, when I asked you what your name was, you said it was Eugenie.
Eugenie Rose Chaney: Quite possible I was feeling more or less fragile at that instant.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Hot Dog!

The way the world should work. This is my own little deal. Whenever I'm in the mood for a nitrate fix, I nuke a couple of hot dogs. What happens after that is art, pure art, baby. I fry up a pan of bacon and raid the fridge. The end result?
A hot dog on white bread, two slices of bacon, a slice of extra sharp chedder cheese (the long way), a couple of slices of homemade sweet pickles (thanks big sister) and yellow mustard. Mmmmmmm... Top that with a pint of Guinness and I can actually feel my heartbeat speed up. Ahhhhhhh...
I'd suggest using Hebrew Nat'l hot dogs (They may be the best dogs ever), but I think the bacon may preclude any benefits there.
I was gonna post pictures, but my camera batteries are dead... And the dogs are gone.


Wrap the bacon around the hot dog, secure it with toothpicks and fry the whole thing... Ohhhhhhh...


Saturday, September 08, 2007

Goodbye To Carolina

Game day.

UNC Tarheels

In Greenville to face The

East Carolina Pirates

6:00 Eastern.

My buddy Doc went to UNC

Sorry Doc, it's a...

First Down... PIRATES!

e-mail me before the game, Doc, and we'll lay in a little wager.
No bet... Good thing...
34-31 Pirates!
Paint this one Purple!
Sorry Doc.


Friday, September 07, 2007

Portents & Omens

I had a dream last night. Nothing weird or spectacular. I dreamt I was standing on the beach... Could've been Nags Head, Hatteras or Wilmington.

It seemed to be late fall, it was chilly and the wind was blowing. The clouds looked like tarnished silver, not a spot of blue to be seen. I was just standing there looking out to the horizon, waves rolling in at my feet, when the rain started to fall. Not a big storm, no lightning or thunder, just the patter of a steady rain.

I looked down the beach both ways and I was totally alone. When my gaze returned to the horizon, there was a grey curtain of rain just off shore and I could only see a short distance. Just me on the beach, the rumble of the ocean, the hiss of the rain, and a horizon that was lost to sight.

It seemed to go on for a long time, and it was so real that when I awoke I was night blind, like walking from a lighted room into a dark one. The transition from sleep to waking was instant as well. One moment I was on that beach cold and wet, and then my eyes were open and I was staring at the blackness of my bedroom in Austin, warm and snuggled in bed.

You think it means anything?


Saturday, September 01, 2007

The Hokie Pokie

Game Day!
Opening game of the season it's
The East Carolina Pirates
in Blacksburg Virginia to face
Virginia Tech's Hokies
Kickoff at 12:00 Eastern where it will be a...
First Down... PIRATES!
I was supposed to watch this down at the pub with my friend Steve (Hokie) but silly me forgot it was Labor Day weekend, so I have to labor. Sorry Steve. I already have the computer streaming WSFL 106.5 and the pregame is getting ready to start, so I'll be able to listen anyway.
Screw WSFL. Blacked out on the streaming. baby! Watching the game on the computer at work.
10-7 Va Tech at the half
I can live with that.
17-7 final.
An inauspicious start to the new season.
I'd like to send my condolences to the students of Va Tech on the tragedy earlier this year.