The Good Old Days...

...Yeah, I suppose,

I'm glad they're behind us now,

The only thing worse than growing up

Is never quite learning how.

-Absent Minded Melody

How did that become this?

Happy Birthday to me!

Empty House

This blog is my homepage. That means every time I log onto the internet, this is what I see first. Usually I click through as fast as I can, off to one of my links... Drudge Report, The Cheese Aisle or Boudicca's Voice. It makes me sad to see it sit, but it's been hard to restart and reset. The political climate in this country has me stressed to the point that my last post was a rant of such violent vitriol that someone who cares about me asked me to take it down. Sad part is, after I did, I realized she was right.

My 100 word muse seems to have stayed in Texas without me. My day to days seem to be unremarkable, even to me, I've been to four of five Pirate games, but can't even seem to bring myself to do game day reports... So, here it sits.

I think about some of the blogs that I loved so well that now sit idle.

For example: Bellerophon Chimera, who took a break and never returned, nothing to be done about it and Gut Rumbles, that went dark when Acidman was taken from us long before we were ready.

At least someone tried to keep Gut rumbles alive after Rob died, but it was an exercise in futility.

They sit like empty houses... structurally intact, but lifeless. I can go by, and look in the windows, but the words and thoughts are the same as the last time I looked, gathering dust and cobwebs in the form of spam in the comments... Even were I to open the door and walk through, the absence of the owners is palatable. My footsteps echoing through the old posts and any comments left are as useless as whispering to myself.

I don't want that to happen here, but I seem powerless to prevent it.

Several people have told me that when they see a girl with a tattoo they think of me. Some miss my stories. Some just wonder what happened to me.

When I click through, I hear this Tom Waits song in my head and it makes me sad.

There's a house on my block
That's abandoned and cold
Folks moved out of it a
Long time ago
And they took all their things
And they never came back
Looks like it's haunted
With the windows all cracked
And everyone call it
The house, the house where
Nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
Or did someone do somebody wrong?

Well the paint was all cracked
It was peeled off of the wood
Papers were stacked on the porch
Where I stood
And the weeds had grown up
Just as high as the door
There were birds in the chimney
And an old chest of drawers
Looks like no one will ever
Come back to the
House were nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
Or did someone do someone wrong?
So if you find someone
Someone to have, someone to hold
Don't trade it for silver
Don't trade it for gold
I have all of life's treasures
And they are fine and they are good
They remind me that houses
Are just made of wood
What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love...
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives
Without love it ain't nothin
But a house, a house where
Nobody lives.

Song For Saturday

I used to wake and run with the moon
I lived like a rake and a young man
I covered my lovers with flowers and wounds
My laughter the devil would frighten
The sun she would come and beat me back down
But every cruel day had it’s nightfall
I’d welcome the stars with wine and guitars
Full of fire and forgetful

My body was sharp the dark air clean
And outrage my joyful companion
Whisperin’ women how sweet did they seem
Kneelin’ for me to command them
And time was like water but I was the sea
I’d have never noticed it passin’
Except for the turnin’ of night into day
And the turnin’ of day into cursin’

You look at me now, and don’t think I don’t know
What all your eyes are a sayin’
Does he want us to believe these ravings and lies
They’re just tricks that his brains been a playin’?
A lover of women he can’t hardly stand
He trembles he’s bent and he’s broken
I’ve fallen it’s true but I say unto you
Hold your tongues until after I’ve spoken

I was takin’ my pride in the pleasures I’d known
I laughed and thought I’d be forgiven
But my laughter turned ’round eyes blazing and
Said my friend, we’re holdin’ a wedding
I buried my face but it spoke once again
The night to the day we’re a bindin’
And now the dark air is like fire on my skin
And even the moonlight is blinding

Hate And Jealousy

I got enough of jealousy
And hate inside of me
To keep me warm, it keeps me warm
Can’t settle for nothing less
Been trying to prove myself
Since I was born, since I was born

Helplessness just burns me up inside
I can’t see the Savior for the light
Wanting what ain't yours may not be right
But I want nothing that ain’t truly mine

If I could I would stop caring
But I don’t like hearing
I’m not good enough, I’m not good enough
I know that it’s not too late
But I don’t want to go away
And let it burn me up, let it burn me up

Helplessness just burns me up inside
I can’t see the Savior for the light
Wanting what ain't yours may not be right
But I want nothing that ain’t truly mine

Helplessness just burns me up inside
I can’t see the Savior for the light
Wanting what ain't yours may not be right
But I want nothing that ain’t truly mine

-Lucero

Christmas Morning

The girl at the grocery she's pretty and seems nice
But she looks right through me with eyes cold as ice
She never answers when I ask her name
She only says I should have a great day

But hey what could she mean by that
Perhaps I'm the fool she takes me for
Not anything more

I guess it's the season the time of the year
When people they're happy and full of good cheer
Well they'll wish you and kiss you and wish you again
And they'll tell you it's peace and good will to all men

But hey what could they mean by that
Perhaps I'm the fool they take me for
Not anything more

We stood at the altar and you held my hand
And everyone watched as the preacher he asked
Will you take him and love him for bad and for good
You looked at me then you told him you would

But hey what did you mean by that
Perhaps I'm the fool you take me for
Not anything more

Now each Christmas morning I sit in my chair
And I look up at the angels that float through the air
Some look down upon me, some come to my side
And they tell me that Jesus he said to say hi

-Lyle Lovett

Well... I Did.

Well I took a fifth, and I poured me a shot
And I thought about all the things that I haven't got
And I drank that down, and I poured me some more
Kept drinking and pouring till I felt the floor

I got drunk and I fell down
I got drunk and I fell down

Another slow day in this damn town
Keep asking yourself "why am I still hangin' around?"
You spend half your time just staring into a beer
What you need, you know, you can't find here

I got drunk and I fell down
I got drunk and I fell down

Well I took a fifth, and I poured me a shot
And I thought about all the things that I haven't got
And I drank that down, and I poured me some more
Kept drinking and pouring till I felt the floor

I got drunk and I fell down
I got drunk and I fell down
I got drunk and I fell down
I got drunk and I fell down

-Uncle Tupelo

Walking Man

It gets dark early this time of year in Texas. By six the sun is all but a memory. In the summer months I was rushing home so I could get in a good four miles and take Jack to the dog park so he could run and I could look at pretty women before dark. Now it's dark before I get off work, so I go a little later.

It's kind of nice... Just me and Jack, the moon and the river. In between the songs in my ipod the crunch of my shoes on the gravel.

I've upped the distances. It started last week, but as of yesterday I made it my new plan. 7.5 daily M-F, depending on social life. 7.5 on Sunday morning. I was going to up Sunday to 12, and I may yet, but not just now.

Because I walk late, no one is at the dog park when we get there, so Jack has a quick swim and we're off again. If we really hump it we can do that loop in an hour forty-five.

It seems my thoughts run a little faster in the dark too. I suppose because there's less visual input. That's both good and bad. I dream less because my brain processes more crap, but I remember thoughts and memories now whereas the dreams would fade. It'll work out eventually I'm sure.

Moving in silent desperation

Keeping an eye on the holy land

A hypothetical destination

Say, who is this walking man?

Well, the leaves have come to turning

And the goose has gone to fly

And bridges are for buning

So dont you let that yearning

Pass you by

Walking man, walking man walks

Well, any other man stops and talks

But the walking man walks

Well the frost is on the pumpkin

And the hay is in the barn

An pappy's come to rambling on

Stumbling around drunk

Down on the farm

And the walking man walks

Doesn't know nothing at all

Any other man stops and talks

But the walking man walks on by

Walk on by

Most everybody's got seed to sow

It ain't always easy for a weed to grow, oh no

So he don't hoe the row for no one

Oh for sure he's always missing

And something is never quite right

Ah, but who would want to listen to you

Kissing his existence good night

Walking man walk on by my door

Well, any other man stops and talks

But not the walking man

He's the walking man

Born to walk

Walk on walking man

Well now, would he have wings to fly

Would he be free

Golden wings against the sky

Walking man, walk on by

So long, walking man, so long

-James Taylor

IWIWAL

There is a long story behind why this is stuck in my head....
Nevermind, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come and go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machis'mo!
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I would sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I could throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!

I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd hang with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!

I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't have to matter how somebody is hung.
Other things are more important- like how you use your tongue!
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!

I DARE Casey Kasem to play this!

I wish I was a lesbian, I know it's sad but true.
But, maybe I might understand you guys and all you do.
But if I was a lesbian, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO!
I wish I was a lesbian, I know it's sad but true.

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all that awful facial hair and yucky machis'mo (I hate that machis'mo!) I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!
Loudon Wainwright III

That Is All

All this talk of fire, of gumption and direction
Leave you reaching for some kind of resurrection as to
Who you thought you were and who you thought you'd be
They'll say it's the trying not the being, the journey not arrival
But all I'm seeing's discouraging reprisals
Of every mistake I've made and all the things I'll never be
And every version of me I tried so hard not to miss
Gets stabbed and shot with the thought of someone else's kiss
There's just no easy way to say
That everything you thought was right was wrong today
That is all, go away
Ok

So go on and sing another about the drinking and fights,
Cracks in the sidewalk, the darkness of night
Can you still believe it'll all put you closer to the light?
'Cause yeah direction's just an arrow, not a place to reside
Though "home is where you find it" and "time is on your side"
But none of that crap means squat alone on a Sunday night

And every version of me I tried so hard to retain
Gets swallowed and sweat out and pissed on down the drain
There's just no easy way to say
That everything you thought was right was wrong today
Move along, 'cause you can't stay
No way

-Slobberbone

Daylight

She's got me tied in a knot. That's what
I thought she'd do.
Don't ask me what's on my mind. I'm fine.
I'll push on through.
Not much to see on this angry street,
so I'll sleep the day away.
Look past my barnacled mind and in time
I'll roll the stone away.

While we still have the daylight,I might
look these lessons in the eye.
While we still have the daylight, I might
become some brand-new kinda guy.

Brass knuckles and birds on a wire retire
but no one gets free.
I'd pay to tear these chains away,
this steel sympathy.
Cut bait and cold black forty weight,
no one can sing for me.
They fall down with grease in their eyes and cry.
How could this come to be?

While we still have the daylight, I might
look these lessons in the eye.
While we still have the daylight, I might
become some brand-new kinda guy.

-The Drive By Truckers

All The Same

Well I know
It won't last long
It's all the same to me

'cause when you try and make it stay
That's when it surely slips away

From the start
It came from my heart
It's all the same to me
From the start
It fell apart
It's all the same to me

'cause when you try and make it stay
That's when it surely slips away

-Lucero

Baggage Claim

Everybody has their own emotional baggage. You can't make it to my age without picking up at least a little.
I like to pretend that I have just a carry on... While I stand in front of a pile of steamer trunks.

Last night I set some of that baggage down. I let some things go. It was a very small step in the clearing process that I need to do, but it was hard as Hell none the less. It was a good night last night.

I didn't dream.


you're too sweet to let go of
but I don't need to fall in love
now I'm too tired to talk my way out of this one
it's a losing game I've had enough

it's too late to make things right
and there ain't no strength left in this heart of mine
now we make quite a pair
but we never got our share of good times
sure were fun to fight

little silver heart
that you once adored
and you don't wear my heart
around your neck no more

you're too good for this game of mine
and girl I know I never treat you right
just a little silver heart
send my lucky star
on a little silver chain
valentine

little silver heart
that you once adored
and you don't wear my heart
around your neck no more

all the tears I cried for you
they don't mean a thing
all the tears you cried for me
they won't change me

you're too sweet to let go of
but I don't need to fall in love
now I'm too tired to talk my way out of this one
it's a losing game I've had enough

-Lucero

Wasted

I've wasted my hands,
I wasted my heart,
and the night is so cold,

I wasted my tears and
I wasted my words,
and I wish I could hold
you tonight
just tonight,
Hell it won't be tonight,
won't be tonight

I wasted my fists,
I wasted my arms,
and these tattoos will slowly fade,

I wasted my strength,
and I wasted my youth,
and I'd trade the rest of my days,
for you tonight,
just tonight,
well it won't be tonight,
it won't be tonight

and one day,
I'll stop wastin my,
life away,
Hell I'll come through for you
prove myself to you,
girl I'll show you what I can do

and one day,
I'll stop wastin my,
life away,
and I'll come through for you
prove myself to you,
girl I'll show you what I can do

well it won't be tonight

it won't be tonight

-Lucero

Get Gone Again

I'm so sick of writing
Songs about screwing up
No matter how much I fall down,
It seems it's never enough
No matter how much good luck
Throws itself my way,
I find some way to ruin it;
Fall down again the next day

Road rashed, run down, wrinkled from the rain
The song in my heart makes just one sound,
But I sing along just the same
And I wonder how long I'll hang around
Before I go insane
Before I break down
And get gone again

Put myself on trial again
for crimes I couldn't see
My naked aggression was picked up
on a charge of indecency
And I remember how I felt when first
it exposed itself to me
And I pray for forgiveness,
and a sympathetic jury

Road rashed, run down, wrinkled from the rain
The song in my heart makes just one sound,
But I sing along just the same
And I wonder how long I'll hang around
Before I go insane
Before I break down
And get gone again

And it makes no difference
what you thought you came here for
Any plans that you might have had;
swept right out the door
And it makes no difference
how hard you think you've tried,
Cause what you'll find out in the end is that
its just a lie

There've been girls that loved me,
But I cheated on them,
With a woman named Whiskey,
And Gin, her best friend
Their affections flow like liquid
To a thousand other men,
Who'll trade loving for liquor;
Salvation for sin

Road rashed, run down, wrinkled from the rain
The song in my heart makes just one sound,
But I sing along just the same
And I wonder how long I'll hang around
Before I go insane
Before I break down
And get gone again

-Slobberbone

Everything Falls Apart

Don't look now,
things just got worse
I'm drunk again,
I swear this blessing--is just a curse

I got here
by killing off all my friends
I think I figured it out
my life begins when the fun ends

I've got my wings,
I'm free to go as I please
Yeah, I got my wings,
now nothing really pleases me 'til

Everything falls apart,
then I get to
try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart,
and you can count on that
you can count on bad, bad weather again

Was it good?
I don't remember much about it
When things start to feel right,
you can count on me to start to doubt it

The devil's not in the details,
No, the devil is in my pants and
It's shoot first, apologize later,
another quick end to a short shot romance

I got what I wanted,
now I don't want anything
I got what I wanted,
now my life is just boring 'til

Everything falls apart,
then I get to try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart
and you can count on that,
you can count on bad weather this year

I met God this afternoon
Riding on an uptown train
I said "Don't you have better things to do?"
He said, "If I do my job, what would you complain about?
So I let it go to Hell,
now I'll have something to do"
he said, "I let it go to Hell,
does that sound familiar to you?"

well Everything falls apart,
then I get to try to put it back together
Yeah it falls apart
and you can count on that,
you can count on bad, bad weather

Everything that falls apart baby,
sooner or later gonna come back together
Well everything that comes together baby,
sooner or later gonna apart

You can call it anything you want
They're gonna take it all away from you

-Dog's Eye View

Nobody's Girl

The first man that you ever loved
Left your mama and never said goodbye to anyone
And you were raised with your head held high
But any fool can see it's just a clever disguise

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You've always been a little scared to open your heart
And you never let anybody take it too far
You never let 'em on the inside
Cause you're always scared you'll be taken for a ride

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

Everybody wants you but you don't want to care
So you keep 'em at a distance with the frown you wear
You spend your time trying to even the score
And you've got it in your head you deserve a lot more

The first one was a total disaster
So was the second one and every one after
But when you're breaking in a broken home
You're gonna be sure to spend some nights on your own

When you're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You're nobody's baby
You're nobody's darlin'
You're nobody's girl

You're nobody's girl

-Reckless Kelly

Tired

Letters full of loveless lying
said you'd rather leave than stay and try
Lay my head down
when I'm tired
I'm always tired
I'm almost done

I don't mind it, I'm without you
didn't mind to wait until you'd gone
Lay my head down
when I'm tired
I'm always tired
I'm almost done

I don't mind it, not seeing daylight
ain't afraid of darkness when it comes
Lay my head down
when I'm tired
I'm always tired
I'm almost done

I know you ain't responsible only
pushed away the feelings that you had
Why it might be impossible only
staying awake with these feelings that I have
afraid I found the thing that made you sad

Pull up all these lies
say you'd rather leave than stay and try
Lay my head down
when I'm tired
I'm always tired
I'm almost done

I'm always tired
I'm always tired

Tired & Fired by Drag the River

Don't Tell Me

On a pawn shop radio I heard

Your favorite song

I could almost hear you whisper in my ear

But I know that you are gone

Don't tell me it's alright

Don't tell me not to cry

You've got to admit

You got a better deal than I

If I could turn the hands of time

I'd turn 'em back till you were mine

But instead you'll haunt my dreams tonight

Don't tell me it's alright

In a dim lit resturant you spoke

With a breaking voice

Between the wine and the after dinner smoke

I realized I had no choice

Don't tell me it's alright

Don't tell me not to cry

You've got to admit

You got a better deal than I

If I could turn the hands of time

I'd turn 'em back till you were mine

But instead you'll haunt my dreams tonight

Don't Tell me it's alright

Don't tell me not to cry

You've got to admit

You got a better deal than I

If I could turn the hands of time

I'd turn 'em back till you were mine

But instead you'll haunt my dreams tonight

Don't tell me it's alright

Don't tell me it's alright

-Slaid Cleaves

Only Two Things...

Behind my house is a border of bamboo. In the middle of that border is a little gate. Walk through the gate and you are standing on a 6 acre farm, right in the middle of east Austin, less than three miles from the Capitol building. Wednesday and Saturday are market day, but I can walk back there anytime to buy or beg fresh veggies. Carol-Ann and Larry are great folks. This time of year is my favorite... Tomato season! I dearly love me some fresh home grown tomatos. Two slices of wheat bread, a thinly sliced tomato piled high and (diet be damned) a fine coating of mayo. I may not know a Hell of a lot about true love, but you can't beat a home grown Tomato.

Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden
Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one

Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes

You can go out to eat & that's for sure
But it's nothin' a homegrown tomato won't cure
Put `em in a salad, put `em in a stew
You can make your very own tomato juice

Eat `em with eggs, eat `em with gravy
Eat `em with beans, pinto or navy
Put `em on the side put `em in the middle
Put a homegrown tomato on a hotcake griddle

If I's to change this life I lead
I'd be Johnny Tomato Seed
`Cause I know what this country needs
Homegrown tomatoes in every yard you see
When I die don't bury me in a box in a cemetary
Out in the garden would be much better
I could be pushin' up homegrown tomatoes

-Guy Clark

Every Little Bit Counts

My thoughts were gnawing at me so I tried hard not to think
I took a pint of whiskey and poured it down the sink.
I'd get my act together, I swore it to myself
I looked up at your picture and knocked it off the shelf

Every little bit counts
every little bit counts
every little bit counts
every little bit counts

Too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me
too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me

I tried and I tried and I tried to be so good.
Wanted to be good so bad
I tried and I tried and I tried every trick I could
emptied out the whole damn bag

but it was too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me

I'm no longer choking on the hair of the dog
It's been a couple of weeks now since I came out of the fog
The highs are slightly higher, the lows are just as low
A mild improvement on the average, don't you know

Every little bit counts
every little bit counts
every little bit counts
every little bit counts

Every little bit counts,
though it may not count for much
could be long forgotten
by the time you add 'em up

Could be too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me
too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me

Too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me
too little too late, sorry
too little too late for me

-James McMurtry