Somebody Nose, A 100 Word Story

Joey the Beak had a nose that was nothing to sneeze at. Cyrano De Bergerac had nothing on Joey. Teased most of his life, Joey took it all in stride because he had a special talent.
Joey stepped up to the microphone and cleared his throat. He took the lid off of the Jar that had been handed to him and inhaled.
“Chocolate… Mesquite… Chanel No. 5… And…” Joey hesitated. It was all riding on this. “And sheep sweat!”
The crowd erupted into a cheering mob. For the third year running, Joey was the champion of the National Smelling Bee.

Thanks to Elisson, whose book "Shorts in a Wad" was the inspiration for this story.

TGIF

You know, that never meant much to me. I've been a dancing retail monkey for over two thirds of my life. Friday is just the day before everyone else has a day off. The day before all my friends went to the beach, or had a cook out, or just slept in. Friday night was the night I had to be careful or Saturday would be eight hours of work... With a hangover.

Weekends don't mean much when your weeks are round.

I can only imagine my life being different, but I really don't know. I would like to spend Saturday mowing my grass, washing the jeep. The sun shining, my windows open, rock and roll music drifting out into the yard.

While I'm at it, could I have a million dollars, a Harley, a good dog and a beautiful redhead to bring me cold beer, kiss my cheek and tell me not to work too hard because lunch is almost ready? No? I didn't think so. Thanks anyway.

So, everyone, have fun tonight, sleep late tomorrow, do something you really enjoy, and if you have to go into a retail store and the cashier is distracted and the manager looks like he's been punched in the face, be nice. Remember, you have the day off, we almost never do.

Second Verse

Not cream colored ponies nor crisp apple streudelsNot doorbells or sleigh bells nor schnitzel with noodlesNo wild geese that fly with the moon on their wingsTHESE are a few of my favorite things

Class Act

Just before I went on vacation this year I got a call from Mrs. Peterson. Last year Mrs. Peterson asked me to come talk to her 6th and 7th graders about the American Civil War. I went and had a great time. The kids were articulate, and intellegent and asked some great questions. A week or so later I got a handfull of cards from some of the kids. I felt like I did something good... Balanced a little karma.

So, when the call came this year I jumped at it. This morning I dressed in my Confederate grey and went to school.

Some of the same kids were there from last year, and some new students too. They were a little more shy off the bat so I started with a little government lesson, then moved into the personal life of a soldier. I touched on clothing, food, living conditions and by the time I got to weapons they were ready to get involved. Just like last year the questions were varied and well thought. They asked about states rights, furloughs, and penalties for crimes like theft and desertion. We discussed prison camps, and war crimes. I showed them the basics of loading and firing a rifle, and we talked about different types of ordinance. I had fun, and I hope this can become a regular thing. Mrs. Peterson also gave me pictures from last year's visit, so to end up, here's one:

I would love to post more pics, but I'm loath to post the faces of minors. Great bunch of kids though. Although...
That works.

Overheard On The Back Porch

Last night on the back porch, a friend and I were enjoying the weather and having a chat. It was observed that I can be a bit long winded when visiting an anecdote.

I laughed, "Heh, I've heard that brevity is the soul of wit."

Without missing a beat he opined, "Yeah, you're pretty soulless."

Not Raindrops On Roses...

...Or whiskers on kittens Not bright copper kettles or warm woolen mittens
No brown paper packages tied up with strings
THESE are a few of my favorite things

Pennacle, A 100 Word Story

Sitting on his porch in the spring air, a cigar clutched in one hand and a glass of bourbon in the other. The bottle and a bowl of ice stood at his feet. Eighty long years had brought him to this point. It was almost time. He could feel it in his bones. He took one last puff on the stogie and a sip from the glass and pushed himself erect. Swinging his cane and throwing ice cubes he yelled, “Get offa my lawn you damn kids!” He felt a little sad… The best part of his day was over.

The Day After

She said something about going home
She said something about needing to spend some time alone
And she wondered out loud what it was she had to find
But she'd already made up her mind

All my friends told me she was too young
Well I knew that myself and I tried to run
But the faster I ran the more I fell behind
Because she'd already made up her mind

She's already made up her mind

Now there is nothing so deep as the ocean
And there is nothing so high as the sky
And there is nothing so unwavering as a woman
When she's already made up her mind

So now she's sitting at one end of the kitchen table
And she is staring without an expression
And she is talking to me without moving her eyes
Because she's already made up her mind

She's already made up her mind
She's already made up her mind

And she said something about going home
And she said something about needing to spend some time alone
And she wondered out loud what it was she had to find
But she'd already made up her mind

So my friend carry me down to the water's edge
And then sail with me out to that ocean deep
And let me go easy down over the side
And remember me to her

She's already made up her mind
She's already made up her mind
She's already made up her mind

-Lyle Lovett

Return Of The King

Or maybe not... I'm back. Been back a couple of days now actually. Back at home, back at work. It was a great trip. All the family was there. The food was incredible, my brothers and I burned up a bunch of ammo, and I think a good time was had by all. So good a time that we forgot to take any pictures.

Ma was glad to see me and sad to see me go, but that's what moms do. I brought a little care package home from my big sister, but left 4 homemade pimento cheese sandwiches in Ma's refrigerator. I was a couple of hours out when I started jonesing and almost cried when I realized what I'd done. Nabs and Nekots are a poor substitute for Ma's pimento cheese.

I miss back home, but I'm glad to be back home, if you know what I mean.

All You Need Is...

For fun, if you are watching this with someone of the opposite sex (or a group) have the girls read the girl part out loud, boys... Well, you get the idea.

It's That Day Again

Oh Brother

As I mentioned, I stayed at my oldest brother's place Thursday night. I woke up here on Friday morning we got a big southern breakfast and headed toward Mom's. He rode with me, his son and daughter-in-law to follow on Saturday.

We stopped at South of the Border just shy of the North Carolina line. SoB is a big old tourist trap on I95. If you have ever traveled the east coast on 95 you have probably seen the bilboards. when we got there we were feeling a little silly and out came the digital camera.

Big brother the daredevil.

Little brother tries to copycat.

Jackalope or Jackassalope?

Get yer stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape!

Pimpin' big time.

Carolina Blues

Morning Peeps. I'm at Ma's, having arrived Yesterday afternoon. I didn't get on the road till 4 on Wed. Drove straight through to Vicksburg, Miss where I spent the night. I've done the battlefied tour before so after a long hot shower and a sausage biscuit I hit the highway.

In Meridian I took the exit for the Jimmie Rogers museum. After following the maze of signs around town, I arrived at noon on thursday to find this sign on the door.

I still took some pictures, and talked to some nice folks who told me if I'll call them before I get into town going the other way they'll open up special for me.

I managed to hit Atlanta at 6:00. God, that was nasty. Took the bypass and still ended up sitting in traffic six lanes wide in each direction and another hour delayed. I stopped at my eldest brother's house around 10:00, went over to visit my nephew, his pretty wife, all their toys, and two tiny crazy dogs. Back to big brother's for a drink a game of pool and bed.

It's breakfast time, so I'll pick this up later.

Screw You Guys...

...I'm going home.

I'm driving back to Carolina on a sort-of vacation to see my family. I'm driving to get in a little "me" time. It's almost exactly 1500 miles. Call it 23 hours. I'm sure you've noticed that my writing has kind of trailed off. I'm tired. I work to much. I don't eat right. My only exercise is pumping irony.

Maybe when I come back we'll talk. I'll try to send some pictures from the road.

So... I'll change the oil tonight, traffic court in the am (leadfoot), inspection sticker at lunch, tires at one, 35 n before 2, then Dallas, Shreveport, Vicksburg, Jackson, Tuscaloosa, Birmingham, Atlanta, Columbia, Rocky Mount, Ahoskie.

If I don't see you around here, I'll see you around. Hear?